This was our first Christmas without him. Me without a husband. My two adult children without their dad. The kids have shared a little about how Christmas is different without him–but they seem to be doing well.
Privately, grief is my constant companion. Grief takes up space in my mind. For me the grief is a tangible thing—always with me. Before the holidays hit, I thought I was doing well with my grief. But when it came to checking everything off of my holiday to do list I felt so overwhelmed. It just didn’t seem the same without him there.
Once you lose your spouse life becomes different. I had to choose to do some traditions and leave others behind. The three of us navigated through a simpler Christmas but one that was still meaningful.
I said no to things that wouldn’t bring me any joy–things you feel like you are just going through the motions with. Secret Santa at work–no. Volunteering my own time and money to plan work festivities–no.
I meant to send Christmas cards. At first it was a short list. Then I was going to send cards only to those who sent cards to me. I bought some Christmas stamps. But I just never got around to it.