The Big C……why didn’t you???

My husband died of cancer. He had battled cancer once before.

Upon hearing my husband had died of cancer, I suppose people struggle with what to say. Cancer makes no sense. It is a thief, a terrible adversary.

For some, they must contemplate aloud possible solutions to battle the adversary. I realize people are trying to be helpful. But after cancer has already won the war, please don’t ask someone why they didn’t try this or that, why didn’t they go to this hospital, or start this cancer fighting diet. Definitely don’t mention those cancer fighting supplements you heard about on TV.

Those closest to my family know every step that was taken in the battle. We tried everything my husband thought was reasonable. By the time my husband’s cancer had returned it had spread to numerous places in his body—options and time were limited.

Hearing people ask “Why didn’t you?” isn’t helpful.

7 responses to “The Big C……why didn’t you???”

  1. I’m sorry you had to deal with this

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this. Other people are always the experts – when it’s not affecting them directly, I’ve found. :-/ xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I took care of my friend Jim when he had brain cancer and then worked in a cancer support center for 7 years. I have come to believe that people are trying to be helpful when they make suggestions, even though the suggestions are usually not very helpful (and sometimes downright hurtful). I hope you can stand firm in knowing you did what was best for your husband, offering him support and care that made the best of a challenging situation–and letting go of what people say that in any way troubles you. Be at peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Madeline for stopping by and for your kind comment. What a good friend you were to help your friend Jim. As time goes on I have made peace with the situation. When he had just passed away and my grief was raw it was hard.


      1. When Jim was sick and people said thoughtless things, I would sometimes react in less than kind ways, which was unfair for one person to get my pent-up resentment, but so goes the way of the caregiver. I have forgiven myself as well as those who were thoughtless. I hope your healing continues untill the main thoughts are of gratitude for what was.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so sorry. I wish people would think before they open their mouths. It’s better to say nothing at all than to say something that can be hurtful. I’m sure they meant well, but that wasn’t what you needed to hear when you were grieving!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for stopping by. It has made me more mindful of what I might say to others in difficult circumstances in the future.

      Liked by 1 person

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